Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Commonly Used Words... That Don't Actually Exist

The problem isn't that you're using these words incorrectly. It's that you're using them at all! (But, as always, remember that most people aren't very concerned with the minutiae of grammar and won't mind if you do.)

Alright: Alright is not all right! Continuing this week's theme of "things you only thought you knew about English," we have what is most likely the most commonly used word from this list. In fact, it is so misused that many English teachers either won't notice its use in a formal essay or will have thrown in the towel already on this one and no longer even try to stamp out its use. Another common theme from my posts so far has been that something has been used incorrectly in the English language for so long that it is now regarded as "correct" in colloquial speech. Such is the case with alright. Alright is a non-existent word, a combination of the correct "all right," which can either mean "all correct" if the writer didn't necessarily intend for the words to be next to each other or "satisfactory" if the adjacency of those words was on purpose and mandatory. "Alright" stems from the latter definition. So even though it is a mistaken jumble of a short phrase, its meaning actually differs from the phrase from which it came; "all right" can be taken to mean "entirely correct," while "alright" is taken to mean "not entirely correct but adequate enough."

Irregardless (Note: Even the spell check on my computer isn't underlining it with that annoying squiggly red line. Incorrect English has taken over Microsoft!): This word is the Justin Bieber of non-existent words. Widely known; the majority of people love to hate it, while the minority continue on in their obliviousness, proudly singing its tune; and, if used in a sentence, it instantly makes people think the speaker has the maturity and intellect of a twelve year old girl. “Irregardless” seems to be a bemusing mix of the words regardless and irrespective, synonyms which mean “notwithstanding” or “without taking account of” [1,2]. It was a combination of this confusion and what was likely the desire to sound more sophisticated that led to the birth of “irregardless.” Irregardless of how it came about, I hope that anyone reading this will be careful not to use the word anymore.

Should of, Would of, Could of: An oldie but a goodie. Sometimes seen as the equally (or possibly even more) atrocious “shoulda,” “woulda,” or “coulda.” Very simply put: these phrases/words have never existed and will never exist. What are the actual words? Should have, would have, and could have. The incorrect terms came about because, when spoken quickly, the v in “have” sounds like the f in “of.”

References and other links for more information:

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